


I Will Shelter You

by DeadlyRoseGarden



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Barba - Freeform, M/M, Minor Character Death
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-10-27
Updated: 2014-10-28
Packaged: 2018-02-22 21:17:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,684
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2522102
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DeadlyRoseGarden/pseuds/DeadlyRoseGarden
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A little fic about Nick and Barba's relationship, how they became a pair and the struggles they go through<br/>Tags and rating will probably change, heh heh, you know what I mean ;)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Heart beats fast

“I’m glad you’re doing this, it is the right thing to do, you trust me right?” Barba was looking Eddie directly in the eye with a comforting hand on his forearm. The cab ride from Eddie’s apartment to the SVU building had been silent until then. It had taken Barba two hours to even convince Eddie that going to talk to the detectives about his friend’s stabbing was the right thing to do. Eddie’s fear about talking was the first thing that lead Barba to think this was more than a random gang attack, there was something larger at play that Eddie knew something about. Mostly, Barba wanted Eddie to cooperate with the police for his protection; after all they were old friends, two of the Three Musketeers of Jerome Avenue. 

“I know Rafi, I know” Eddie smiled and nodded at Barba. Barba leaned forward and paid the Cabbie then opened the door. He got out quickly, keeping a firm grip on his third coffee of the day and smoothing down his suit jacket, Eddie soon followed out of the same door. Barba gestured towards the building, “Shall we?”

The next thing he heard was a loud boom followed by a ringing in his ears, people screaming and quick footsteps; he felt something warm and wet splatter across his face and he reached up to wipe it away instinctively. He hadn’t even realised what had happened yet. He looked at his hand and saw the deep red blood on the very tips of his fingers, that’s when he snapped his head round to look at Eddie, and when he didn’t see him standing there, he realised. Suddenly, his coffee dropped from his hands, he fell to his knees violently with a painful crash against the road, kneeling next to his oldest friend, frantically trying to cover and put pressure onto the gushing bullet hole in his neck.  
“This is Sergeant Benson, shots fired outside the station, I need a bus here right now!” Benson, and Amaro ran from Benson’s office, down the stairs and out into the street. Amaro had seen the whole incident from the window; Eddie abruptly thrown to the ground, the fear in his eyes, Barba’s confusion followed by hysterical scrambling, there wasn’t a shooter in sight, he knew it must’ve been a sniper, waiting for Eddie; everyone else in the room had heard the shot. Benson ordered Rollins to get on the phone to other witnesses to warn them and Finn was told to contact witness protection. When they reached the cab, Barba was holding Eddie’s limp body, mumbling something they couldn’t understand, holding his face and rocking back and forth. Tears were streaming down his face, blood covered his face, hands and arms, it was clear that Eddie was dead. 

“It’s okay, it’s okay, you’re gonna be fine, it’ll all be okay, don’t worry, you’ll see your son soon, okay hermano” Barba couldn’t stop the fountain of words spilling from his mouth. He was looking into Eddie’s eyes again, but Eddie didn’t look like he understood. But he kept reassuring him, let him know it was going to be okay, the doctors were going to help him and he’d get to go home.  
Amaro knew that Barba thought Eddie was still alive, his voice sounded so desperate and he was still trying to get a response. The ambulance had just turned onto the street and Amaro knew the Barba was only going to be a hindrance. He reached forward to pull Barba out of the way but Barba fought back, pushing Nick away and clinging on to Eddie’s lifeless body. After a short struggle Nick hooked his arms under Barba’s and dragged him back, Barba hanging from him, kicking and screaming “No.” repeatedly. The momentum of the pull and Barba’s weight combined with his flustered actions caused them to stumble and fall back against the curb. Amaro sat up and held Barba tight through his shouting and thrashing as they watched the paramedics run to Eddie, share a disappointed look and a sigh and slowly start backing away, police and crime scene investigators beginning to take their places around him. They couldn’t hear what was being said, but Barba knew his friend, his brother, had been declared dead. 

He had exhausted all of his energy, all he could do now was cry, lament the death of his friend. He leaned in to Nick’s chest and Nick cradled him between his legs, Barba’s tears and the blood that covered him probably staining his shirt. He stroked and petted Barba’s hair, hushing him in an attempt to calm him down. “Hey, hey now, it’s okay, it’s okay, I’m here, it’s okay.”


	2. Beginning to heal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More sad times for Barba, this is the direct aftermath of the shooting

The next twelve minutes were a blur for Barba, he vaguely remembered throwing a fit in the middle of the street, being led into the SVU building, washing his hands and face, and sitting down to talk to some homicide officers. That’s where he was now, sitting on a sofa, talking to two men with flip notebooks and pens, jotting down every word he said. He could feel the tears from earlier getting sticky and there was a vomit-like taste in his mouth. His recollection was as accurate as it could be considering the state he was in and how little he saw, the officers seemed satisfied with it. 

The minutes were not a blur for Amaro, however. Olivia had told him to get Barba inside and out of the way while she dealt with the crime scene. After he’d calmed down, Nick had asked Barba if he was ready to stand up. When he nodded weakly and rubbed the last wetness from his face with a stroke of his large hand, Nick began helping him up by standing behind him and holding his left arm and waist. That’s when Barba looked back towards Eddie. That was a mistake. The shock, guilt, misery and disturbing nature of the image combined hit him like a wave. Rafael quickly nudged Amaro out of the way with his elbow, doubled over with his hands on his knees and threw up on to the sidewalk. Nick winced when he saw Barba puking and turned away. It must have hit Barba hard, after all, he wasn’t a detective, wasn’t a police officer, he wasn’t used to being around death. Sometimes the team would forget he mostly worked with paper, with facts and performed in court, accidently shocking him with grotesque photos or videos. When he looked back he felt a twang of sympathy for the man. After Barba had finished he immediately began to apologise; Nick assured him that it was all natural and helped him inside. The ADA looked back at Eddie one more time but Amaro quickly diverted his attention, telling him to look straight ahead of him, it wasn’t worth looking. 

Once they were inside, climbing the stairs, Barba felt his emotions welling up again, a horrible combination of sadness, embarrassment and guilt. He’d convinced Eddie to come with him, if it wasn’t for him Eddie might have been okay, he was so scared to come and Barba had told him it was the right thing to do, oh God he’d told Barba he trusted him, if he hadn’t gone to get Eddie he would still be alive. “Councillor? Feeling okay?” It was Amaro’s questions that snapped Barba out of his frantic train of thought, it also made him realise that he was crying again. But he was an ADA, he had to keep a professional appearance, no use in crying. 

“Yes, thank you. Sorry” he said confidently, but avoided eye contact, he could feel Nick’s eyes on him, worried. 

They reached the door on their floor and Amaro suggested that Barba go and clean up before he was questioned. “Listen, uh, why don’t you go to the restroom, clean up a little? The homicide detectives are probably gonna have some questions for you.”  
“That sounds like a good idea.” Barba laughed, he didn’t know why he’d laughed, probably trying to keep a professional and calm atmosphere around Amaro. He was absolutely devastated that the detective had seen him flustered like that, he’s usually so composed.

Just as he turned to head to the squad room’s restroom Amaro stopped him. “Hey, uh, do you keep a spare suit in your office or something like that? I could, um, I could ask someone to bring a clean one down for you?” He had guessed that Barba was probably the kind of man to keep a spare suit in his office, for spillages, fashion reasons; the man put a lot of effort into his appearance. It turned out that his guess was right. 

“Thanks, that would be great.” Barba replied with a smile, he then pushed open the restroom door and went through.   
The smile obviously wasn’t sincere, Nick saw his swollen lips, patchy face and a sadness underneath the smile that didn’t reach his eyes. Rollins threw him a concerned look and he waved it off. She shot him a half smile and headed back into Benson’s office with Finn. Amaro rang Barba’s secretary and arranged for a suit to be brought down. Deciding the combination of jacket, shirt and tie with his secretary actually took longer than explaining what had happened and why Barba needed another suit at all. She had explained that Barba would probably be affected if he had to wear a bad suit on top of everything else. 

“Eight and a half minutes” Nick chuckled to himself as he looked back down at his mobile, seeing the length of the call. Out of the window he could see Eddie’s body being lifted into the ambulance, so they must have been wrapping up. Then he realised, eight and a half minutes is a long time for someone to be cleaning up in a restroom. He approached the restroom and pushed open the door slowly and gently. He saw Barba there, hands gripping onto a basin, staring into the mirror. He’d washed his hands, the water in the basin had been dyed pink and his hands looked rough and red, like he’d vigorously, obsessively rubbed and scratched them in an attempt to get every last bit of blood off. However, there was still blood on his face, it had gotten darker now, probably drying and getting crusty on his skin.

Barba had lost count on how long he’d been looking at the mirror; he’d gone to splash water on his face to wash off the blood. He knew it was there, but he hadn’t seen it until then, it was a large spray, from the left side of his mouth to the centre of his forehead, the left side of his face was almost completely covered in drops. It was another grisly reminder that it was real, Eddie had been killed. He thought it was almost suitable, Eddie’s blood on his face. Well, it was his fault, wasn’t it? That’s when the tears returned.

“Barba.” At the sound of his name he nearly jumped out of his skin. His head dropped down and he clutched the basin harder and his knuckles turned white. His eyes were squeezed shut and his breathing heavy. “Um, I’ve got you a suit coming, actually your secretary picked it out, she said the navy suit with the red spotted tie was the best one to send down so, I uh, I hope you agree.” He exhaled lightly with a humorous suggestion on the last few words. Even with Nick’s initiation of a conversation, Barba continued to keep his eyes shut, looking down. “I’m so sorry.” he whispered.  
“Don’t worry about it, you just might want to get the blood off of your face before you come out okay.” Amaro answered in an assuring tone.   
“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry”, Barba repeated, shaking his head and closing his eyes tighter.   
“You’ve got nothing to be sorry for, Barba.” Nick’s tone was curious, he didn’t know what Barba was talking about.   
“Yes I have!” With that Barba threw his arms back from the basin and stood up straight, turning to face Nick. His eyes looked wild, wide, the tears streaming yet again. “I told Eddie to come here! I got him killed.” he muttered.   
Nick understood now, Barba was being eaten from the inside out by guilt, guilt he didn’t deserve. “Barba…”  
“No! No don’t try to comfort me or anything. This is all my fault, he was scared! He was scared and I made him come down here! Who’s going to tell his wife huh? His son?” He was shouting now. “Jesus, I’ve killed my oldest friend. I’ve killed a husband, a father. He was so scared, Amaro!”  
Amaro took a few cautious steps towards him, and when Barba didn’t back away he took it as a cue that it was okay. Barba lowered his tone then. “Nick...what have I done?”

The way he looked into Nick’s eyes screamed desperation, shame, remorse and despair. At that moment, Nick reached out and pulled Barba into his chest, where he gripped tightly onto his shirt. “You’ve done nothing wrong, okay? And you know that.” He pushed Barba out but kept a hold on his arms, looking deeply into the ADA's eyes to make sure he understood. “Okay?”   
Barba simply nodded. Amaro gave him a comforting smile, patted his shoulder and left the room.   
The cold splash of water on his face relaxed Barba. In twenty seconds Amaro was back in the restroom with Barba’s suit in a clothes bag. He explained to Barba that the suit he was wearing would probably have to go into evidence and he waited outside the stall as Barba changed then took his dirtied suit from him. He then walked him to the couch, sat him down with a fresh coffee and told him to wait for the detectives. 

And that’s where Barba was now, shaking the detectives hands as they left, not before they promised that they’d catch the bastard who killed Eddie.   
The whole team was back in the office now, discussing what to do.   
“I mean it has to be because he was a witness right?” Rollins declared.   
“Look, we don’t know and this isn’t our case, we’re SVU not homicide.” Benson chimed in.   
“How’s Barba?” Finn asked, turning to Nick.   
Nick swallowed, “The guy’s clearly shaken but he should be okay, but I don’t know how I feel about him going home and stewing in his messed up emotions. He was displaying a pretty major guilt complex back there.”  
“Okay, then who do we call?” Rollins looked to Olivia.   
“Actually there is no one we can call” Liv said, “His family all live out pretty far West”   
“Well what about his friends?” Amaro interrupted.   
“Have you met the guy? He lives for his work, he’s always busy and let’s be honest, he’s a bit of an ass.” Benson replied.  
“So what, we leave him to get worse?” Finn asked.   
“What other choice is there, Finn?”   
“I have a spare room.” The whole room turned to look at Nick.   
“Nick, you don’t have to.” Olivia stated.  
“I know, but I feel bad for him, he was calling Eddie his brother. Besides it’s just one night.” 

Barba had been sitting in silence for about fifteen minutes when Amaro walked into the room. “Hey, Nick, look I’m sorry about earlier.”  
“Come on, I won’t hear any of that, listen, I called your secretary, she’s bringing your overnight-bag up soon, I was talking to the guys and we’d all feel a lot better if you stayed with someone else tonight, it’s kind of protocol that we don’t leave someone alone after something like this.”  
“I don’t really have anywhere to go, detective.” Barba sighed with a shake of his head.  
“I know, that’s why you’re gonna be sleeping in my spare room tonight. Now, come on, I don’t want traffic to get to bad before we go and I’m sure you can’t wait to wash the taste of vomit out of your mouth.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So after this chapter I wanna do one about the night Barba spends at Nick's house, but then everything else will be later on like at least 3 months after when the Eddie issue is resolved, then I can really dig into the Barba/Amaro stuff :D

**Author's Note:**

> So this is my first fic, I hope it's okay :S  
> I'm gonna keep writing it, I feel bad killing Eddie, but I wanted something tragic to bring my bois together so.  
> Please leave me comments, good or bad. I need help fo' real.


End file.
